This is a horrible movie. Not a horror movie

Reasons:

Reason 1:
As we all know, "The Dark Knight" opens this weekend. In honor of that, Philip and I decided to take some time and appreciate where Christian Bale has come from, and let me tell you, it wasn't pretty.

Reason 2:
Many people that Philip and I despise, love this movie. This is of course, reason enough to watch it. We had to be able to look at these people and be more ready to criticize their film tastes. It's easier when you've actually seen the movie that they love, but not impossible.

Reason 3:
And we had to watch another movie in "fundamentalist filmdom".

So, tonight, Philip and I entered into the unknown, braced ourselves for what would happen, and sharpened our merciless mocking tendencies.

We watched "Newsies".

Even though, we had these reasons. Good reasons, acceptable reasons, important reasons. We were still dying for the movie to finish. We were still unable to curb our cynicism. We were still unable to stop our groans. Quite simply, we couldn't wait for the movie to finish, so we could get the answers to a few questions.

Questions:

1: What did Roger Ebert think?
He gave it a glorious, stellar, and painful 1 1/2 stars.

A few special quotes, "What I find hard to believe, however, is that anyone thought the screenplay based on these actual events was of compelling interest." and, "Ann-Margret, who plays Madda, the dance hall star, has a role whose purpose is all but incomprehensible. She acts as a sort of big sister and confidante to the striking newsboys, chucking some of them under the chin while talking to others in terms of fairly alarming intimacy." and finally, "The music is by Alan Menken, whose material for "The Little Mermaid" and "Beauty and the Beast" was unforgettable. Here he achieves the opposite result."

2: How old was Christian Bale when he made this film?
18. But he acted like he was 30 trying to act like he was 18. It was confusing for everyone involved.

3: Why was Ann-Margret top billed?
We still have no idea. And I don't think we ever will.

4: Who is Kenny Ortega, and what measures do we need to take, so we never have to see another one of his movies? The choreography, directing, screenplay, cinematography were all horrible.
It may interest you to know, that Kenny Ortega is also the man that you can thank for all three "High School Musicals." If we had known that going into this movie, we may have hated it even more. Although, even now, we're not sure that's possible. Write down his name, and run screaming from anything he has ever put his name to.

Comments:

We wish Christian Bale luck in this coming weekend. Mainly because Christian Bale reportedly regretted taking this role. (Any human would). He has said about Newsies, "Time healed those wounds. But it took a while."

The movie was a box office bomb. It took in $2,819,485 at the box office. Total. Compare this to "Batman Begins" which made $48,745,440. In it's opening weekend. And $371,853,783 as its total amount.

Don't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever tell Philip or I that you like "Newsies". It may just be the end of your life.


Written by Philip and Joanna