In my defense, I have been crazy busy. I enjoyed Thanksgiving break, went back to school, finished projects, took finals, and worked insanely hard for the past week and a half, but today I relaxed. It was beautiful, it was comfortable, and I feel so rested. I ate pizza, watched football, baked cookies, bought Christmas presents online, and managed to do nothing worthwhile. It was a great day.
But that's not what I came to write about today. I's not even what I've been thinking about. I saw a friend recently, I'm not sure I would characterize this person as a friend anymore, let's call them an acquaintance, anyway, I saw them and we were playing catch-up. The conversation was as follows:
(1) "How are you?"
(2) "Great, really good. It's been so long since I've seen you."
(1) "Yeah, me too, so what's up?"
(2) "Nothing, nothing really. You?"
(1) "Same old, Same old, how long has it been since I've seen you?"
(2) "That concert last year, was that last year?"
(1) "Oh yeah that sounds about right. What are you doing here?"
Does any of this sound familiar? It took quite a bit longer than even this for us to even get to a subject that wasn't meaningless nothings. I wanted to reach out shake them and tell them to start talking to me like I was really there. Tell me what they've been doing, tell me how they've been, really been, tell me what they were learning, and yet we were bound by these useless chains of niceties. I hated it, but I didn't know how to make it stop, so I let it continue. Even when we got down to the actual happenings of their life I knew they were edging around things, skirting around issues that they thought I might be uncomfortable with, they were acting as if they didn't know me anymore, and because they were doing that I felt like I didn't know them anymore. I was so confused, I still am confused. We exchanged numbers with promises to call and an awkward hug. I don't know if I should call, I don't know if I would have anything to say, If they ever called I can see myself looking at the caller ID and letting it go to voicemail. I feel like I lost a friend, without doing anything wrong. I don't know if it's one of those awkward thing that neither of us will ever admit that anything went wrong, or if this something we talk about and try to make right (can you make something right, if it was never technically wrong?) I don't know what my part in this dialogue is and I wish somebody would let me know.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Friday, November 16, 2007
I miss you.
I do. That's not something I'm used to saying, but it's true. I've missed writing in you. I find myself watching a situation, and wanting to write it down for you to see. I find myself wanting to explain a concept to you, to run an idea pass you, to tell you what I'm thinking and why. But I never have time, when I get home from school, I go to work, when I get home from work, I do homework and when I finish my homework I go to bed, so I'll be ready to get up the next day to go to work. I have all sorts of things that you would enjoy, I know you would, and yet I have no time.
Even as I'm writing this I have to stop soon, because I have to go to class. So, I'll leave you with a few random thoughts to tide you over until I actually sit down and write.
1. I am constantly hungry. (For food, not junk food.)
2. I am not conservative. (You would need to understand my concept of conservative to understand that statement, which you don't. Don't feel bad, I didn't expect you too. I really should devote a post to just that subject.)
3. I am getting better at not saying things that would make people think I'm not conservative. (A rather hard thing for me to do.)
4. I am tired. I live in a constant state of wanting to sleep.
5. I miss reading. I want to have the time to get through a new book, or an old one. Not a book that is required and not a book that is easy to put down. A book that is calling my name. I have lists of books just waiting to be read. And I really, really, really want to start.
6. I will never have a full-time job in retail. I've been working retail for the past year and a half, so this one should make sense.
7. I enjoy school. To a certain degree.
8. I really want to post more. I really like this writing thing.
9. I want people to celebrate Thanksgiving, before they celebrate Christmas.
10. I want to be off from work on Thanksgiving. (not likely)
11. I really want the patriots to beat the bills on sun.
12. I really want to enjoy Thanksgiving break.
13. I really want to explain every single one of these rules in their own post. But I'm out of time.
Later,
Joanna
Even as I'm writing this I have to stop soon, because I have to go to class. So, I'll leave you with a few random thoughts to tide you over until I actually sit down and write.
1. I am constantly hungry. (For food, not junk food.)
2. I am not conservative. (You would need to understand my concept of conservative to understand that statement, which you don't. Don't feel bad, I didn't expect you too. I really should devote a post to just that subject.)
3. I am getting better at not saying things that would make people think I'm not conservative. (A rather hard thing for me to do.)
4. I am tired. I live in a constant state of wanting to sleep.
5. I miss reading. I want to have the time to get through a new book, or an old one. Not a book that is required and not a book that is easy to put down. A book that is calling my name. I have lists of books just waiting to be read. And I really, really, really want to start.
6. I will never have a full-time job in retail. I've been working retail for the past year and a half, so this one should make sense.
7. I enjoy school. To a certain degree.
8. I really want to post more. I really like this writing thing.
9. I want people to celebrate Thanksgiving, before they celebrate Christmas.
10. I want to be off from work on Thanksgiving. (not likely)
11. I really want the patriots to beat the bills on sun.
12. I really want to enjoy Thanksgiving break.
13. I really want to explain every single one of these rules in their own post. But I'm out of time.
Later,
Joanna
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Jealousy?
Jealousy as defined by Dictionary.com "jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage etc, or against another's success or advantage itself."
I have never considered myself to be a jealous person. I don't remember being jealous as a child. Lately though I've been wondering, "Am I jealous or simply in awe of?, And what is the difference between the two if there even is a difference?" Here are my thoughts:
I see jealousy as being angry at someone who is better at something than you, for having something you don't, for understanding something that you don't, for going in a direction that you can't. On the other hand, I see being in awe of as being able to stop, look at, appreciate, and move on with a new way of seeing the world going with you.
I am constantly in awe of something. Recently, I walked into my sisters room. She has a day-by-day calendar of drawings and sayings by M.C. Escher. I looked at the picture for that day and was struck in awe of. It was titled "Metamorphosis" the colors were all black and white like all good Escher pictures are. If you looked at the left side of the page there were birds and if you moved your eyes to the right the birds changed shapes little by little until when you reached the right side of the page all you saw were boxes. Somehow in the split second that you moved your eyes across the page you saw the lines change enough for your mind to believe them, until you were looking at something completely different than what you started with. I stood in awe of that picture, to make something so believable and yet so unbelievable is a talent that I can't understand. Even explaining it on paper is incredibly hard, I want to take your hand, and I want to show you the picture, I want to watch your face as you look, stop, look again and then say, "Wow". I am constantly standing in awe of art and artists. They see the world differently than I do, we can look at the same landscape and they see something completely different, and then most amazingly of all, they can express that, in a way that I can understand. Poetry comes to mind, I can not write poetry, the closest I have ever come to writing poetry is my brother and I writing fake, lame, satirical pop songs. But I was reading Shakespeare's sonnets the other day, and he was writing about an attraction that while not serious was still enjoyable, and with his beautiful words, flowing prose and uncanny ability to express what is felt by millions every day, I understood what he was saying, I could see situations in my mind where what he was saying applied to. I could relate to this man's art. I love to hear a great orchestra play a piece that I know, I love to see their interpretation of the composers art, and the orchestra who while they are playing his art are making art of their own that is different, yet just as beautiful. To me that is the beauty of Bach, I have heard Bach so many times in my life. More often than not, I have heard Bach played badly, and yet every now and then I have heard it played with understanding, with feeling, with artistry. It is the people that take Bach and make it their own that can give you an experience that surpasses words. I heard an incredible choir sing a year ago, I sat there listening, not believing what my ears were hearing. Their music was incredible, their interpretation was breathtaking, their technique was flawless, and the result was unspeakable. I have never forgotten that experience. For me that is art, that is taking those experiences with you for the rest of your life, that is carrying that memory of those feelings with you, that is understanding of what that person meant in the poem, that is standing in awe of.
Jealousy I consider quite different. I can appreciate what artists can do, but I know that I can't do it. I can see what painters, musicians, writers, architects, business men do, but I can't do it. I don't have those talents. Jealousy has always seemed to me resenting someone who was doing something you can to a certain degree do, only they can and are doing it much better. I sit all day in classes with smart people, I sing in choir with beautiful voices, I listen to teachers teach in their areas of expertise, I see people who can always make you smile, I see people who know exactly what they want in life and are getting it, I sit next to beautiful girls and know that I can never look like that, I see people who are not afraid to make fools of themselves, I see people who are so talented in so many areas, so much so that I can point to them and tell you their talents. But when I look at myself, I don't see those things. I don't see someone who is insanely intelligent, I don't see someone who is beautiful, I don't see someone who knows exactly what they're going to do with their lives, I don't see someone who can sing beautifully, I don't see someone who is brave.
So am I jealous? Maybe so, it's not an art thing, where I know that I could never do it, but I can appreciate and enjoy those who do. It's a talent thing where I see very clearly where other people's talents are, but no matter how hard I look, I can't see mine.
I have never considered myself to be a jealous person. I don't remember being jealous as a child. Lately though I've been wondering, "Am I jealous or simply in awe of?, And what is the difference between the two if there even is a difference?" Here are my thoughts:
I see jealousy as being angry at someone who is better at something than you, for having something you don't, for understanding something that you don't, for going in a direction that you can't. On the other hand, I see being in awe of as being able to stop, look at, appreciate, and move on with a new way of seeing the world going with you.
I am constantly in awe of something. Recently, I walked into my sisters room. She has a day-by-day calendar of drawings and sayings by M.C. Escher. I looked at the picture for that day and was struck in awe of. It was titled "Metamorphosis" the colors were all black and white like all good Escher pictures are. If you looked at the left side of the page there were birds and if you moved your eyes to the right the birds changed shapes little by little until when you reached the right side of the page all you saw were boxes. Somehow in the split second that you moved your eyes across the page you saw the lines change enough for your mind to believe them, until you were looking at something completely different than what you started with. I stood in awe of that picture, to make something so believable and yet so unbelievable is a talent that I can't understand. Even explaining it on paper is incredibly hard, I want to take your hand, and I want to show you the picture, I want to watch your face as you look, stop, look again and then say, "Wow". I am constantly standing in awe of art and artists. They see the world differently than I do, we can look at the same landscape and they see something completely different, and then most amazingly of all, they can express that, in a way that I can understand. Poetry comes to mind, I can not write poetry, the closest I have ever come to writing poetry is my brother and I writing fake, lame, satirical pop songs. But I was reading Shakespeare's sonnets the other day, and he was writing about an attraction that while not serious was still enjoyable, and with his beautiful words, flowing prose and uncanny ability to express what is felt by millions every day, I understood what he was saying, I could see situations in my mind where what he was saying applied to. I could relate to this man's art. I love to hear a great orchestra play a piece that I know, I love to see their interpretation of the composers art, and the orchestra who while they are playing his art are making art of their own that is different, yet just as beautiful. To me that is the beauty of Bach, I have heard Bach so many times in my life. More often than not, I have heard Bach played badly, and yet every now and then I have heard it played with understanding, with feeling, with artistry. It is the people that take Bach and make it their own that can give you an experience that surpasses words. I heard an incredible choir sing a year ago, I sat there listening, not believing what my ears were hearing. Their music was incredible, their interpretation was breathtaking, their technique was flawless, and the result was unspeakable. I have never forgotten that experience. For me that is art, that is taking those experiences with you for the rest of your life, that is carrying that memory of those feelings with you, that is understanding of what that person meant in the poem, that is standing in awe of.
Jealousy I consider quite different. I can appreciate what artists can do, but I know that I can't do it. I can see what painters, musicians, writers, architects, business men do, but I can't do it. I don't have those talents. Jealousy has always seemed to me resenting someone who was doing something you can to a certain degree do, only they can and are doing it much better. I sit all day in classes with smart people, I sing in choir with beautiful voices, I listen to teachers teach in their areas of expertise, I see people who can always make you smile, I see people who know exactly what they want in life and are getting it, I sit next to beautiful girls and know that I can never look like that, I see people who are not afraid to make fools of themselves, I see people who are so talented in so many areas, so much so that I can point to them and tell you their talents. But when I look at myself, I don't see those things. I don't see someone who is insanely intelligent, I don't see someone who is beautiful, I don't see someone who knows exactly what they're going to do with their lives, I don't see someone who can sing beautifully, I don't see someone who is brave.
So am I jealous? Maybe so, it's not an art thing, where I know that I could never do it, but I can appreciate and enjoy those who do. It's a talent thing where I see very clearly where other people's talents are, but no matter how hard I look, I can't see mine.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
And it Stormed
There are certain experiences in life that you can not wait to happen. You think about them weeks before, begin counting hours on the day of, you find it is where your mind goes any time it has a free moment, as the time draws closer it's all you talk about and the last normal thing you do before it has no chance of being paid attention to, that's how excited you are, and then you go do it.
In most experiences like this I find myself "waiting for it to start" I have an example that I would like to share with you to make these concepts easier for you to understand. Note: this is not the experience itself, merely an example.
I'm going to an amusement park, I'm going with 3 friends and I'm not leaving until mid-afternoon. We have to pick up the 3 friends at different locations, and we plan to drive down to six flags and ride "Raging Bull", we plan to be there until the park closes and I do not have to work the next day(this is sounding like a great scenario, I should get some friends together.) In my mind, months away, my adventure would start when I'm done with everything and I head on home to get ready to leave. But when the actual day comes, once I get home, I am still waiting for the adventure to really begin. When I leave the house, then I am ready to get the party started, but we're still a few friends short. Even when all the friends are in the car, then the objective comes to be at the park, and yet when you reach the park you have to wait for that perfect feeling that you achieve after your first ride, then after that comes you need to wait for your cotton candy, popcorn, and endless drinks. Towards the end of the night, while you are no doubt enjoying yourself, you still are missing a certain something you assure yourself that it is the fact that you do not have to wake up in the morning, and hold on to that. The entire ride home, the talking, laughing, more food and music that is shared is delightful, but when you get out of that car at home you remind yourself that you don't have to wake up the next morning, the entire time while you're getting ready for bed, you continue to remind yourself of that fact, and somewhere you hope that you'll wake up before 7:00 so you can roll over and tell yourself that you don't have to get up. And only when the next morning comes and you get out of bed it is only then that you accept that the whole experience is over.
Is any of this at all familiar? The anticipation, the slight let down, the wanting it to be perfect? I have come to expect this from all of my adventures and never once has it failed me, until 3 weeks ago.
It was the perfect weekend, from the planning, to the driving, to the homework that I did early so I wouldn't have to think about it all weekend, to the friends, to the movies, to the food, to the sleep, to the conversation, to new quotes, to the no work, to the joy that we all shared, to the truly, truly, truly good times.
And my personal favorite, On that Friday night while I was sitting there watching my movie, eating 3 of my favorite foods, talking to intelligent people, knowing I didn't have to think about homework, knowing I was going to sleep in the next day, knowing that I was not going to work at all tomorrow, knowing that life could never get better than this, then and only then did it storm. When I heard the rain, I was hesitant, could it really be storming? My favorite weather was happening on my favorite weekend? It should have been sunny, to make me wish it could rain, we should have burnt my favorite food, just to keep me on my toes, we should have lost the movie and picked something awful in replacement. But none of that happened, I had a perfect weekend, one that will never be duplicated, but will always be appreciated.
I do not consider myself a warm and fuzzy person, but for me on that day I felt like there was nothing wrong in the world. Here are my warm and fuzzy thoughts: "The rain poured, thunder and lightning crashed, there were no birds in hearing distance, and flowers were nowhere to be seen." How can you possibly top that?
P.S. The above phrase (in quote marks) is taken from the normal, everyday, nonsensical approach to what should make us happy.
"The sun was shining, birds sang, and flowers bloomed."
And yes I know I added a phrase, it's called poetic license.
In most experiences like this I find myself "waiting for it to start" I have an example that I would like to share with you to make these concepts easier for you to understand. Note: this is not the experience itself, merely an example.
I'm going to an amusement park, I'm going with 3 friends and I'm not leaving until mid-afternoon. We have to pick up the 3 friends at different locations, and we plan to drive down to six flags and ride "Raging Bull", we plan to be there until the park closes and I do not have to work the next day(this is sounding like a great scenario, I should get some friends together.) In my mind, months away, my adventure would start when I'm done with everything and I head on home to get ready to leave. But when the actual day comes, once I get home, I am still waiting for the adventure to really begin. When I leave the house, then I am ready to get the party started, but we're still a few friends short. Even when all the friends are in the car, then the objective comes to be at the park, and yet when you reach the park you have to wait for that perfect feeling that you achieve after your first ride, then after that comes you need to wait for your cotton candy, popcorn, and endless drinks. Towards the end of the night, while you are no doubt enjoying yourself, you still are missing a certain something you assure yourself that it is the fact that you do not have to wake up in the morning, and hold on to that. The entire ride home, the talking, laughing, more food and music that is shared is delightful, but when you get out of that car at home you remind yourself that you don't have to wake up the next morning, the entire time while you're getting ready for bed, you continue to remind yourself of that fact, and somewhere you hope that you'll wake up before 7:00 so you can roll over and tell yourself that you don't have to get up. And only when the next morning comes and you get out of bed it is only then that you accept that the whole experience is over.
Is any of this at all familiar? The anticipation, the slight let down, the wanting it to be perfect? I have come to expect this from all of my adventures and never once has it failed me, until 3 weeks ago.
It was the perfect weekend, from the planning, to the driving, to the homework that I did early so I wouldn't have to think about it all weekend, to the friends, to the movies, to the food, to the sleep, to the conversation, to new quotes, to the no work, to the joy that we all shared, to the truly, truly, truly good times.
And my personal favorite, On that Friday night while I was sitting there watching my movie, eating 3 of my favorite foods, talking to intelligent people, knowing I didn't have to think about homework, knowing I was going to sleep in the next day, knowing that I was not going to work at all tomorrow, knowing that life could never get better than this, then and only then did it storm. When I heard the rain, I was hesitant, could it really be storming? My favorite weather was happening on my favorite weekend? It should have been sunny, to make me wish it could rain, we should have burnt my favorite food, just to keep me on my toes, we should have lost the movie and picked something awful in replacement. But none of that happened, I had a perfect weekend, one that will never be duplicated, but will always be appreciated.
I do not consider myself a warm and fuzzy person, but for me on that day I felt like there was nothing wrong in the world. Here are my warm and fuzzy thoughts: "The rain poured, thunder and lightning crashed, there were no birds in hearing distance, and flowers were nowhere to be seen." How can you possibly top that?
P.S. The above phrase (in quote marks) is taken from the normal, everyday, nonsensical approach to what should make us happy.
"The sun was shining, birds sang, and flowers bloomed."
And yes I know I added a phrase, it's called poetic license.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
1 more day
1 more day, that's all, there is only one more day. 1 more day before joy comes back to my life, 1 more day before all in the world is made right, 1 more day before America truly begins to live again, 1 more day before I truly live again, 1 more day before last year is forgotten and we start all over again. Yes, ladies and Gentleman in 1 more day The NFL season begins.
I have a tradition, every year I count down how many days it is until the NFL kickoff. This year the day after the Superbowl it was 213 days. 213 days have gone by with no football, that's a hard thing to take. But in 1 more day it will be here and our days will be filled with wonder and adoration.
Now I enjoy college football (college football has given me some of the best saturday afternoons of my life) but there is nothing, nothing, NOTHING like Monday Night Football, (Sunday night is good too) but sunday afternoons are magical. Football game after football game on and on all day, so much football that you can switch channels during commercials and watch another football game. That is one of the best thoughts that I've had all summer.
For all of you non-football watchers, First of all why are you reading my blog? and Second of all, I will not apoligize for enumerating about the joys of football, I have a book at my house it's titled "The idiot's guide to football" It is not for personal use, it is for my friends who are misguided, misled, and need direction. Also, if at any point in time you are around and need more direction then you are welcome to come over to my house and we will watch a game together.
ONE MORE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so excited I can finally say that
ONE MORE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ONEMOREDAY ONEMOREDAY ONEMOREDAY ONEMOREDAY ONEMOREDAY ONE MORE DAY
I have a tradition, every year I count down how many days it is until the NFL kickoff. This year the day after the Superbowl it was 213 days. 213 days have gone by with no football, that's a hard thing to take. But in 1 more day it will be here and our days will be filled with wonder and adoration.
Now I enjoy college football (college football has given me some of the best saturday afternoons of my life) but there is nothing, nothing, NOTHING like Monday Night Football, (Sunday night is good too) but sunday afternoons are magical. Football game after football game on and on all day, so much football that you can switch channels during commercials and watch another football game. That is one of the best thoughts that I've had all summer.
For all of you non-football watchers, First of all why are you reading my blog? and Second of all, I will not apoligize for enumerating about the joys of football, I have a book at my house it's titled "The idiot's guide to football" It is not for personal use, it is for my friends who are misguided, misled, and need direction. Also, if at any point in time you are around and need more direction then you are welcome to come over to my house and we will watch a game together.
ONE MORE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so excited I can finally say that
ONE MORE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ONEMOREDAY ONEMOREDAY ONEMOREDAY ONEMOREDAY ONEMOREDAY ONE MORE DAY
Friday, August 31, 2007
Was that bad writing?
Isn't good writing supposed to make you experience something you never have (or at least make you wish you had experienced it)? Leaving you like I did in my last post was unforgiveable, but I did it anyway. I was really tired if that's any excuse. I will try to make you understand, try to make you appreciate and even enjoy my life as much as I do. But not today I have to go to my last class of the day and then I'm off to go shopping with a friend. I'd say tomorow but that's not a good time either, Sunday's not so good, Monday maybe, Tuesday......
You really don't want to hear my schedule for the next 3 months do you? In that case, let's wrap this up.
Journal: I'm sorry that I was rude to you, you didn't deserve it. You have always been kind to me and in the future I will try to do better.
To more posts
Joanna
You really don't want to hear my schedule for the next 3 months do you? In that case, let's wrap this up.
Journal: I'm sorry that I was rude to you, you didn't deserve it. You have always been kind to me and in the future I will try to do better.
To more posts
Joanna
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Here we go again
I'm feeling rather random tonight. I might as well warn you before you really settle down to read this, if you're not in the mood to follow my mind, wherever it may lead, then you had probaly step out now. So the question of the hour is: How to start out this post of randomness?
Should I write down what I am thinking? (Is randomness a word?) Should I write down a skill I wish I had? (drawing) Should I write down a food that I could eat a lot of right now? (Milios) or should I just begin to explain why I am feeling random? (Go ahead, do that we'll see how far that gets you)
Should I write down what I am thinking? (Is randomness a word?) Should I write down a skill I wish I had? (drawing) Should I write down a food that I could eat a lot of right now? (Milios) or should I just begin to explain why I am feeling random? (Go ahead, do that we'll see how far that gets you)
Why I am Feeling Random
A Short (hopefully) Paragraph
By Joanna
I have several problems with journals, the main issue is the one that I will address tonight. It is the issue of the journal's lack of my experiences. I have spent the last week doing something that I know this journal never has. I have spent the last week experiencing many new things that you have never experienced, I have spent the last week doing things that I want to say to you, but only as long as I don't have to give you the whole backstory (because I hate backstory).
Unfortunately, I think backstory is necessary for a lot of what I would like to tell you. For example:
1. I could tell you about a really (un-knowingly) funny comment that Dean Richards said, but to think it was funny you would have to understand Richards, me, and my enviroment. And frankly understanding those three things is asking to much out of any one human being. Trust me, you couldn't handle it.
2. I could tell you about people that really irritate me, but to know that you would have to know once again the enviroment I live in, the type of people who irritate me because they remind me of someone else, and then I would have to explain why those (the someone elses's) irritated me.
3. I could tell you about something that happened that was funny in a meeting today, but the enviroment once again would have to be explained, the people involved and once again my sense of humor.
Are you getting the idea yet? We would be here forever, and you still would probaly not be able to grasp the concept of why I plan to celebrate next Thursday night wildly. I could explain until I was blue in the face, (blue in the face or really sore fingers) why you should be disappointed with me. But that is something that you could never possibly understand
The problem is that you're not living your life with me.
The End
Friday, August 24, 2007
I'm very tired. Here are the highlights for today:
It rained today.
It was by far the best way to start off my new experience.
The freshman were awfully funny too.
It was by far the best way to start off my new experience.
The freshman were awfully funny too.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
The rain, new beginnings and old movies
The Rain:
It rained today. I consider that a good sign, because for as long as I can remember I have always loved the rain. It makes you want to grab a book, or a movie, eat food and sleep all day long. I only had one real hope going into this summer, are you ready for it? I wanted to have a thunderstorm at least once on a day when I was off work. Well it did not happen all summer, there were quite a few times, when I would be at work and I would hear the rain start to thunder on the building, the incessant complaining from customers would start, and my favorite of all, our music would fade in and out, and sometimes if we were very lucky, it would quit completely. But never once did it happen when I had the whole day off from work. Today, by the time I got off from work the rain had stopped, the sun began to come out and I started to get depressed. Here it was my last day of summer, I have to start college tomorrow and all I wanted out of this whole summer was to have a day off when it rained. Well it's late and the rain hasn't started again, and I don't have a lot of hope that it will, but I got to thinking, "Wouldn't it be great if I started off my whole college career on a rainy day? Wouldn't it be a sign from the heavens that I should be excited about college? Wouldn't it be fun to watch freshman run around in their perfect "first day" outfits and watch them get soaked?" Come on admit it, it would be fun. Here's hoping it rains.
New Beginnings:
When you grow up there are certain days that you expect to be some of the most exciting days of your life. Here are a few of what have been some of my favorites, The day I got my first real bike, The day I realized I first liked a guy, The day I realized that there is no other sport on this earth except for football, The day I got my first job (not playing concerts), The day I got my savings account, The day I got my checking account, The day I got my second real job (the one I'm still at today), June 27th, and of course any day I buy books. For some reason the days I expected to be on that list are not. There is no High School Graduation day, no particular birthdays, no Christmases. These are all just normal days that carry the most wonderful memories, not the days that you expect them to be. So I guess that I should not be to depressed that I have no joy, excitement or anticipation for tomorrow. If I could, would I wish to jump ahead 4 years totally missing my college experience? Do I want time to stop so I'm stuck waiting to go to college for all eternity?" Of course not is the resounding answer to both questions, but there is a part of me that would appreciate time slowing down, or if that was not possible to speed up just a little. But that is in fact the glory of time, it's an ever-rolling stream.
Old Movies:
I firmly believe that you should watch the 1944 "Gaslight" with Ingrid Bergman, Joseph Cotten, and one scary dude."
By the next post I will have officially become a Freshman in college. There are a list of things that every Freshman is required by law to do. I'll try to keep you updated as to when they happen.
1. Make an absolute fool of yourself
2. Like someone totally wrong for you, (also someone who you usually despise the rest of your college career, because they you remind you of your weakness)
3. Forget something is due until you get to class
4. (I'm leaving this blank so I can fill it in when it happens)
5. Make a complete, utter fool of yourself
Let's hope I get through all of them in the first week.
It rained today. I consider that a good sign, because for as long as I can remember I have always loved the rain. It makes you want to grab a book, or a movie, eat food and sleep all day long. I only had one real hope going into this summer, are you ready for it? I wanted to have a thunderstorm at least once on a day when I was off work. Well it did not happen all summer, there were quite a few times, when I would be at work and I would hear the rain start to thunder on the building, the incessant complaining from customers would start, and my favorite of all, our music would fade in and out, and sometimes if we were very lucky, it would quit completely. But never once did it happen when I had the whole day off from work. Today, by the time I got off from work the rain had stopped, the sun began to come out and I started to get depressed. Here it was my last day of summer, I have to start college tomorrow and all I wanted out of this whole summer was to have a day off when it rained. Well it's late and the rain hasn't started again, and I don't have a lot of hope that it will, but I got to thinking, "Wouldn't it be great if I started off my whole college career on a rainy day? Wouldn't it be a sign from the heavens that I should be excited about college? Wouldn't it be fun to watch freshman run around in their perfect "first day" outfits and watch them get soaked?" Come on admit it, it would be fun. Here's hoping it rains.
New Beginnings:
When you grow up there are certain days that you expect to be some of the most exciting days of your life. Here are a few of what have been some of my favorites, The day I got my first real bike, The day I realized I first liked a guy, The day I realized that there is no other sport on this earth except for football, The day I got my first job (not playing concerts), The day I got my savings account, The day I got my checking account, The day I got my second real job (the one I'm still at today), June 27th, and of course any day I buy books. For some reason the days I expected to be on that list are not. There is no High School Graduation day, no particular birthdays, no Christmases. These are all just normal days that carry the most wonderful memories, not the days that you expect them to be. So I guess that I should not be to depressed that I have no joy, excitement or anticipation for tomorrow. If I could, would I wish to jump ahead 4 years totally missing my college experience? Do I want time to stop so I'm stuck waiting to go to college for all eternity?" Of course not is the resounding answer to both questions, but there is a part of me that would appreciate time slowing down, or if that was not possible to speed up just a little. But that is in fact the glory of time, it's an ever-rolling stream.
Old Movies:
I firmly believe that you should watch the 1944 "Gaslight" with Ingrid Bergman, Joseph Cotten, and one scary dude."
By the next post I will have officially become a Freshman in college. There are a list of things that every Freshman is required by law to do. I'll try to keep you updated as to when they happen.
1. Make an absolute fool of yourself
2. Like someone totally wrong for you, (also someone who you usually despise the rest of your college career, because they you remind you of your weakness)
3. Forget something is due until you get to class
4. (I'm leaving this blank so I can fill it in when it happens)
5. Make a complete, utter fool of yourself
Let's hope I get through all of them in the first week.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
I guess I have to write now
If I am really wanting to do this whole writing thing, I guess I actually have to write. The problem is I don't really feel like anything too important has happened today, but I guess when you're writing you have to do it whether you feel like it or not so, I guess I could give you a list of what I've done today.
1. Heard alarm go off.
2. Smacked alarm.
3. Heard alarm go off.
4. Smacked alarm.
5. Heard alarm go off.
6. Smacked alarm and then looked at the time.
7. Heard alarm go off.
8. Remembered I was waking up to go get donuts.
9. Got out of bed.
The next 40 minutes were spent showering, dressing and checking email (I'm already bored with my own life) then I went to go get donuts. Now I could write about donuts for a while. I love donuts, love them, love them, love them. They are one of those foods that don't need anything else. For example you always have soy sauce with rice, you have to have fries with your Wendy's Frosty's, and you have to have mayonnaise with your bacon and lettuce sandwiches, this list could go on and on but donuts are a food that rises above all that (there's a little bit of a pun in there(and I'm a little suprised that I let it go because I really can't stand puns) donuts need nothing else, they don't need the chocolate milk I had with them, they don't need the orange juice everyone else had with them, all you need to have a fully satisfying breakfast is you and your donut. The delightful way that they are airy yet somehow have substance is an enigma indeed, also the universal truth that even though you can't taste the sprinkles but everyone knows that the donuts are better with them is proof that a one world order is the way to go, and of course the fact that a person who despises all mornings no matter how beautiful they are, is willing to wake up just so they could get one is truly the most incredible miracle of all.
Well I guess that was how I would write about my day in a journal form, I got a little sidetracked there at the end with the donuts but it's something I feel strongly about. Now believe it or not, I have done other things with my day, I could tell you more about my day in an experience form like this:
The scene is a conference room, the remnants of a breakfast lay discarded on an oak table, large chairs all placed all around the table and if those chairs could talk the stories they could tell of corporate meetings would not only be boring but they would also be incredibly boring. It is in these well-worn, all-knowing, peacefully-sleeping chairs that we meet our characters, there are 4 ladies of different ages, different beliefs and different hairstyles all reclining in the chairs, if we leaned closer and lent our ear to the ones already listening (how hokey is that phrase) then we would hear tell of corporate policy, we would be able to tell that one of the ladies had just been given the manager position, we would see this new lady with her notebook and pencils taking notes and being as organized as a new manager should be, if we moved our eyes a little to the left we would see the lady who had been passed over for the manager position sitting quietly and hoping that this meeting would be done so she could get back to work, if we looked across the table we would see the lady who had been the manager for 10 years gratefully relinquishing the reins of the "company meeting" to this new manager, if we would look to her left we would see a young girl eyeing the last donut. The meeting progresses in a way that you and I might never understand, for to understand these ladies hopes, downfalls, distresses and joys you have to walk in their shoes for a while or at least work with them all summer for 40 hour weeks. Ideas are brought up and discussed, corporate is bad mouthed, promises of an open speaking policy are once again made, suggestions are made that sound vaguely accusing, looks of shock and awe or given when a policy has been overlooked and comments like "Well, I always do that" or "That's the way I was taught, I didn't know there was another way" and "Well before you were here (gesturing to the newcomer) we never had any problems with that" and other such things are said. All of the ladies seem very willing to overlook the fact, that if all of them have always done it, then there is no possible way that it could not be done. But that we discover is the joy of working in corporate America, there is always someone else to blame. As we slowly begin to pull ourselves away from this fascinating meeting, in a strange way we feel sad about leaving with these important questions still lingering in our minds "Will this be a good working environment for all of them?" "Will these ladies learn to get along?" "Will corporate finally tell them where this paper has to be filed? and most importantly "Will that girl ever get that last donut?"
There you go that's the experience side, did you feel like you were there? I certainly did.
Well I'm running out of time and I'm still not sure which kind of style I liked better, let me know.
For all you illiterate people and destroyers of great classics you will be pleased to know that below you will find the Cliffs Notes version:
Subject woke up, bought donuts, went to an employee meeting and wrote in 2 different ways. The End.
Oh and by the way, I got the last donut.
Till next time.
1. Heard alarm go off.
2. Smacked alarm.
3. Heard alarm go off.
4. Smacked alarm.
5. Heard alarm go off.
6. Smacked alarm and then looked at the time.
7. Heard alarm go off.
8. Remembered I was waking up to go get donuts.
9. Got out of bed.
The next 40 minutes were spent showering, dressing and checking email (I'm already bored with my own life) then I went to go get donuts. Now I could write about donuts for a while. I love donuts, love them, love them, love them. They are one of those foods that don't need anything else. For example you always have soy sauce with rice, you have to have fries with your Wendy's Frosty's, and you have to have mayonnaise with your bacon and lettuce sandwiches, this list could go on and on but donuts are a food that rises above all that (there's a little bit of a pun in there(and I'm a little suprised that I let it go because I really can't stand puns) donuts need nothing else, they don't need the chocolate milk I had with them, they don't need the orange juice everyone else had with them, all you need to have a fully satisfying breakfast is you and your donut. The delightful way that they are airy yet somehow have substance is an enigma indeed, also the universal truth that even though you can't taste the sprinkles but everyone knows that the donuts are better with them is proof that a one world order is the way to go, and of course the fact that a person who despises all mornings no matter how beautiful they are, is willing to wake up just so they could get one is truly the most incredible miracle of all.
Well I guess that was how I would write about my day in a journal form, I got a little sidetracked there at the end with the donuts but it's something I feel strongly about. Now believe it or not, I have done other things with my day, I could tell you more about my day in an experience form like this:
The scene is a conference room, the remnants of a breakfast lay discarded on an oak table, large chairs all placed all around the table and if those chairs could talk the stories they could tell of corporate meetings would not only be boring but they would also be incredibly boring. It is in these well-worn, all-knowing, peacefully-sleeping chairs that we meet our characters, there are 4 ladies of different ages, different beliefs and different hairstyles all reclining in the chairs, if we leaned closer and lent our ear to the ones already listening (how hokey is that phrase) then we would hear tell of corporate policy, we would be able to tell that one of the ladies had just been given the manager position, we would see this new lady with her notebook and pencils taking notes and being as organized as a new manager should be, if we moved our eyes a little to the left we would see the lady who had been passed over for the manager position sitting quietly and hoping that this meeting would be done so she could get back to work, if we looked across the table we would see the lady who had been the manager for 10 years gratefully relinquishing the reins of the "company meeting" to this new manager, if we would look to her left we would see a young girl eyeing the last donut. The meeting progresses in a way that you and I might never understand, for to understand these ladies hopes, downfalls, distresses and joys you have to walk in their shoes for a while or at least work with them all summer for 40 hour weeks. Ideas are brought up and discussed, corporate is bad mouthed, promises of an open speaking policy are once again made, suggestions are made that sound vaguely accusing, looks of shock and awe or given when a policy has been overlooked and comments like "Well, I always do that" or "That's the way I was taught, I didn't know there was another way" and "Well before you were here (gesturing to the newcomer) we never had any problems with that" and other such things are said. All of the ladies seem very willing to overlook the fact, that if all of them have always done it, then there is no possible way that it could not be done. But that we discover is the joy of working in corporate America, there is always someone else to blame. As we slowly begin to pull ourselves away from this fascinating meeting, in a strange way we feel sad about leaving with these important questions still lingering in our minds "Will this be a good working environment for all of them?" "Will these ladies learn to get along?" "Will corporate finally tell them where this paper has to be filed? and most importantly "Will that girl ever get that last donut?"
There you go that's the experience side, did you feel like you were there? I certainly did.
Well I'm running out of time and I'm still not sure which kind of style I liked better, let me know.
For all you illiterate people and destroyers of great classics you will be pleased to know that below you will find the Cliffs Notes version:
Subject woke up, bought donuts, went to an employee meeting and wrote in 2 different ways. The End.
Oh and by the way, I got the last donut.
Till next time.
Monday, August 20, 2007
For Naomi
I'm no good at journals, I never have been. The fact that at the end of the night, people choose to write down everything they did, interesting conversations they've had, and people they've seen has always fascinated me. Usually, by the time I'm ready for bed the only thing I want to do is read a book, watch a movie, or sleep.
But Naomi, that sister of mine has been bugging me, with comments like this:
"You really should write, the more you write the better you get at it."
"Just write, you are always wanting to improve yourself so just write, no one says you actually have to be an author or anything, just write."
"You should just keep, like, a journal write down experiences, you have funny experiences I know you do, you tell us about them all the time. Just write them down, and if you don't feel like handwriting it all out, type it, it's so much easier."
Now while many of the comments are simply easy to ignore, the fact is I've been wanting to try writing for quite some time, and yes, typing is so much easier than handwriting. But the thought of typing something out and leaving it sit on my computer sounds useless, and even though I have no intention of giving this blog out freely the fact that someone could read it, if they felt like it, is strangely comforting.
I have no intention of becoming an author, there has never been anything further from my mind. But I would like to learn how to write, I would like to learn how to express myself in a one-sided way (if you knew anything about my family, you would understand that nothing is ever one-sided so this should be new for me) I would like to learn how to make a point reasonably, logically, emotionally, persuasively and above all clearly, to see if you can be sarcastic in writing and have it come across (I'm told it's impossible), to learn for myself what it looks like to have your thoughts there for anyone to see, and of course just to see if I can do this thing called writing.
What will be incredibly funny is if someone is reading this post and it was posted 3 months ago and there haven't been any additional posts. I guess it would show that I couldn't do this thing called writing.
By the way, Caveat Emptor is Latin for "Let the Buyer Beware" which is one of my favorite phrases the other is "Numquam credulo aeques jactus", But that just seemed too long for a blog title, although it would have fit so much more.
Here we Go.
But Naomi, that sister of mine has been bugging me, with comments like this:
"You really should write, the more you write the better you get at it."
"Just write, you are always wanting to improve yourself so just write, no one says you actually have to be an author or anything, just write."
"You should just keep, like, a journal write down experiences, you have funny experiences I know you do, you tell us about them all the time. Just write them down, and if you don't feel like handwriting it all out, type it, it's so much easier."
Now while many of the comments are simply easy to ignore, the fact is I've been wanting to try writing for quite some time, and yes, typing is so much easier than handwriting. But the thought of typing something out and leaving it sit on my computer sounds useless, and even though I have no intention of giving this blog out freely the fact that someone could read it, if they felt like it, is strangely comforting.
I have no intention of becoming an author, there has never been anything further from my mind. But I would like to learn how to write, I would like to learn how to express myself in a one-sided way (if you knew anything about my family, you would understand that nothing is ever one-sided so this should be new for me) I would like to learn how to make a point reasonably, logically, emotionally, persuasively and above all clearly, to see if you can be sarcastic in writing and have it come across (I'm told it's impossible), to learn for myself what it looks like to have your thoughts there for anyone to see, and of course just to see if I can do this thing called writing.
What will be incredibly funny is if someone is reading this post and it was posted 3 months ago and there haven't been any additional posts. I guess it would show that I couldn't do this thing called writing.
By the way, Caveat Emptor is Latin for "Let the Buyer Beware" which is one of my favorite phrases the other is "Numquam credulo aeques jactus", But that just seemed too long for a blog title, although it would have fit so much more.
Here we Go.
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