Anniversaries

I'm no good at dates. I honestly can hardly ever tell you what the date is. I know how many days until the NFL kickoff (68) but I rarely, rarely know the actual date.

But I know this date.

You see, today is an anniversary.

I thought I was prepared for it. I really did. I knew the date, I knew it was coming, I made a mental note, and then, suddenly, on Wednesday, it hit me how soon it was.

I woke up several times last night, I was restless, I didn't have my phone for half the night (long story), I was working the early morning time, so I knew I needed to sleep. But I wasn't tired. When I finally woke up after my restless night, I felt disinterested in going to work (surprising for me, since I love my job). But the more I thought about it, the better I thought it would be. I knew what the normal Friday schedule is, and I was prepared for it. Fridays are usually crazy. But this week we were ahead. When I arrived at work, they informed me we had finished everything in my regular department, so I could choose which department I wanted to work in for the day. I chose my old department. I went over there, and was told all there was to do was put out truck. I don't know if you've ever put out truck, but it is one of the most mindless tasks of all time. My other job requires me to think, and I was excited about that, because it meant no other intruding thoughts. Truck meant it was me, my scanner, and six-wheeler after six-wheeler of truck. So, my mind was left to dwell on this anniversary.

I thought a lot today. I thought back over remembrances, over people, over stories, over faces, over situations, over rights, over wrongs, over semi-rights, over semi-wrongs, over lies, over truth, over joy, over pain, over disbelief, over incredulity, over time, over denials, over faith, over family, over me.
I came to this conclusion: Anniversaries are horrible things.

I don't know what it's like for a wedding anniversary (which is what most people think when you say anniversary), but I know what it's like for this anniversary. When it's a wedding anniversary, do you spend time thinking about what horrible times you've had in the past year? Or do you only focus on the good? I'm interested to know if this is just this particular anniversary, or if it's an usual anniversary thing.

In a way, I'm glad I thought over those things. I don't want to forget them. Forgetting is a horrible thing. Forgetting means it wasn't important enough to you to remember. Forgetting means you didn't care enough. Forgetting means you could be doomed to repeat the same mistakes other people made. I don't want to forget.

In a way, I'm sad I thought over those things. I want to forget them. Forgetting is a wonderful thing. Forgetting means you are at enough peace with something to let it go. Forgetting means you are ready to move on. Forgetting means you can go on by yourself, without looking back at what other people have done. I want to forget.

That basically sums up my day. I'm tired. It's 11:56

My anniversary is over.