I really don't feel like writing....

But I promised that I would try to post at least once a week. And I can't see myself finding the time tomorrow. So here I am. Are you satisfied? Does this count as my post for the week? I didn't think so. I'm not feeling very deep, I'm not feeling very thoughtful, I'm not feeling very funny, I'm not feeling really awake either. I am feeling hungry (if that helps to place my mood). Alright, down to posting business. I need to post about something. Okay, I am posting about the first thing that popped into my head this morning. Are you ready? It's my iron.

I sleep on a bed that is a little higher than a top bunk bed. I'm about a foot and a half from my ceiling. I love my bed. I can jump off and make a tremendous noise downstairs. I can look down when people come in and talk to me. I can lay close to the wall and no one knows I'm there. I also feel tall in my bed which is a feeling I love. But to the iron. When I'm in my bed I am actually looking down on my bookshelves (which are on the other side of my room). And on the left bookcase, closest to the door, on the top of the bookcase, is my iron. It makes the most sense for me to put it there. It's in close proximity to the outlet, the distilled water, and the ironing board, it's even close to the door, so people that want to bother it can stick their hand in, secure the iron, and leave, all without bothering me. The iron belongs there. And yet, every time I rearrange my room, I find myself looking for another place to put my iron. Do you want to know why? (I didn't think so, but I'm going to tell you anyway) It's because of the iron's chord. The stupid iron chord. The iron was given to me as a present. And I love it. I'm obsessive about ironing,(everything looks better ironed)and so to finally have my own iron was great. Plus, this iron is nice, it's got all sorts of different settings, is black and blue, and best of all it has a retractable chord. How perfect is that? A retractable chord, so you never have to be bothered with wrapping the chord around a still hot iron to put it away. (Don't try it, bad things happen) This special retractable chord is the gadget that excited me most about my iron. So, I put the retractable chord to immediate use. Now I am certain, I am positive, I am 100% sure that before I obtained this iron, there were other irons in the house. I know it. But now, somehow, inexplicably, without rhyme or reason, since I obtained my iron all the other irons in the house have disappeared, and we are left with only my iron. This would not be such a problem if it weren't for the retractable chord. Here's my problem. I love the retractable chord, I have no problems with it whatsoever, the retractable chord likes me, I place my finger on the button for the retractable chord and it retracts the chord. I love my retractable chord. My family, however, does not like the retractable chord, for the simple reason, that not one of them, (and I mean not one) can manage to get the chord to retract. It's a miracle. Someone comes in to borrow my iron, and a few minutes later you hear the button being pushed over and over again, you hear the chord being re-pulled out so as to let it go back in easier. And still, every time the iron comes back into my room the chord is still not fully retracted. It's a miracle. I have given constant counsel to my family on how to retract the chord. Most of the time, they listen and then return it un-retracted. Then I lovingly retract the chord and place it back in it's perfect spot. But I always somewhere hope that someday, the iron will come back retracted.

Today I woke up, and the first thing I saw was my iron. My beautiful black and blue iron in it's perfect spot, with it's close proximity to the outlet, the distilled water, and the ironing board. And there, of course, snaking down to hang in front of my books was my iron's un-retracted chord. I give up.

The End


I hope you weren't hoping for some kind of feel-good-analogy for this story like:


"And then I realized that my life is like that retractable chord, hard to manage and annoying, but I just need to be patient with that chord. Because it holds the key to beautifully ironed clothes."


Or:

"And then I saw, not an iron, but a life, a life that is beautiful on the outside, but a life that has one thread, one chord, one something wrong with it, and that's all we look at. That iron wants to be helped, and what am I doing to help it? That life needs help and what am I doing to help it? Retract the chord, people!


Or:

"To make that chord retract not only do we have to be patient towards the chord, and persistent towards the chord, but finally, we have to be persuasive towards the chord."


Or:

"Life is like an iron's un-retractable chord. Hard to get right the first time, but if you keep working at it, with consistent determination and abounding love, that chord will slide right in giving you the perfect iron."


I'll leave that to the fundamentalists.