I love/hate Politics

--This is day 2 of "The 7 Last Days of Summer"--


Just in time for the DNC. I had already written this, but had never posted.


Two true stories. I swear. It's all true. I couldn't make this up if I wanted to. You can probably figure out where my voice got heavily sarcastic. I thought about mentioning for you every time it happened, but then where would the fun be? If you can't figure it out on your own, rest assured that you must not know me at all.

Their names were changed to protect their idiocy.


"Joanna, you like politics. Who are you going to vote for? Obama or McCain?"

"Seriously Jack, you want to argue this?"

"Yeah, I really do. Come on. Who, and why? And I want to know the why, I'm a political science major, so I understand politics."

"I don't know yet. I honestly don't know. How about you?"

"Oh, Obama. Definitely Obama. I really think he can...what's the word?...

"Change?"

"..Oh yeah, that's the word. He's the change we need."

"Which of his specific policies do you like Jack?"

"Um..well obviously...all of them."

"That must be nice to find a candidate you can completely support. But specifically, what great change is he going to make?"

"I think the war."

"What is he going to change in the war?"

"He's going to end it."

"Wow! He has the power to end war. Cool. How's he going to do that?"

"Well, we leave and everything goes back to normal."

"Well, that doesn't sound like it will take too long, what should he do with the other 3 years and 11 months of his presidency?"

"......well another good thing would be......health care....universal health care. Why don't we have it?"

"Universal health care, huh. What type of universal health care do you fall under?"

"The Universal kind."

"Thank you, Jack. Who do we give it to?"

"That's easy. Everyone."

"That's funny that you think that Jack, because it's no secret to anyone that you hate the Mexicans that work for us. You know that would mean they would get health care too?"

"Well. They're illegal. We shouldn't give it to illegal people."

"That's not very universal of you. And how are you going to tell the illegals from the citizens?"

"Drivers licenses. Anyone without one can't get health care."

"What about children, what about people who never get their drivers licenses? What about people whose driving licenses get revoked?"

"Alright, all children can have it."

"Even illegal children?"

"Yes, even illegal children. And anyone who doesn't have their license can get a special card."

"A card?"

"Yeah, something easy to print up."

"Don't you think that if it was easy to print up than anyone could print it and you'd still be giving health care to illegal aliens?"

"Well, that's okay. That's good. That'll make them work for their health care."

"Their universal, free health care?"

"Yes."

"Jack, I really have to go."









"I would be very interested to know what your family discusses at the dinner table, Joanna."

"It does get pretty interesting sometimes. Is it Exercise 2 that's due today?"

"So, tell me, what did you guys talk about last night."

"Last night....last night....We talked about Fall Festival, Macaroni and cheese, and Hillary Clinton."

"HILLARY CLINTON? What were you talking about her for? She's EEEEVVVVIIILLLL."

"Really? I always found her rather fascinating."

"But, she's EEEEEEVVVVVIIIILLLL."

"Why, Mark, tell me why she's evil?"

"She just is. You know that. Everybody knows that. She's EEEEEVVVVVVIIIIILLLL."

"I'm sick and tired of people automatically hating her. Everyone time I ask someone why they hate her I never, ever get a real reason. What is so evil about Hillary?"

"She's Evil."

"That is not a real reason."

Other classmate: "Yeah, Mark. It's really not."

"Well, she has evil policies."

"Alright, what are her evil policies."

"All of them."

"What an intelligent answer, I'm sure no one has ever answered that question with such intelligence before. Thank you for making that clear to me, Mark. Thank you.
What specific policies?"

"Alright, fine. If elected Hillary will make abortion......she will make abortion LEGAL."

-stunned silence-

"Mark, abortion is legal."

"No it's not."

Other classmate: "Yeah Mark, it is."

"It can't be legal. Bush didn't make it legal. He wouldn't have made it legal."

"You're right. Bush didn't make it legal. But your precious Bush has been in office for 8 years and he hasn't made it illegal."

"Well maybe he doesn't know it's legal."

-even longer stunned silence-

"You put all of your faith in a man, who you're not even sure if he knows whether or not abortion is legal? And you want to condemn Hillary on the outside chance that she might make abortion legal? Remind me to never, ever, ever, ever listen to your opinion on anything else, ever again."

"You're only going to vote for Hillary cause you're a feminist."

"I'm not going to vote for Hillary."

"Please. All feminists love Hillary."

"I don't love Hillary, and I really don't want to know what you think a feminist is."

"A feminist is someone...."

"Stop. Remember? No opinions, ever."

"You're such a feminist."

"I'm not feeling insulted."

"You should be. Feminists are..."

"Shh. Class is starting."




Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the future leaders of our country, churches and businesses. I give you the voters for this next election. I give you America.


"It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe in it."
-George Carlin